Monday, 19 May 2014
The Price of Patriarchy.
I am great friends with the Return of Queens blog. This is a group of anti feminist, mostly traditionalist women who say some great things about the possibility of happiness.
Many male readers probably think what is on offer is a little too good to be true- feminine, faithful women who derive satisfaction from looking after their husbands and children.
Yet there is a cost to everything. The 'deal' that Patriarchy offers men is very far from a free ride. A man must support his family financially. In return for this he becomes the head of the family but also the person who takes the rap when things go wrong. I have known a number of men from patriarchal cultures who have driven themselves to illness trying to fulfil this role.
A man must understand the deal of Patriarchy before getting involved with such a woman- and he must understand himself too. Is he up to the job? Being head of the family can be a lonely job.
It can work.. every happy marriage I have come across has had an element of this dynamic within it. Women glow and blossom when they have a rock to cling to- and men can sometimes find reserves of strength they did not know they had.
If the man has savings prior to marriage then he will find it easier to retain the respect of his wife over difficult times- and these will come- there is no such thing as a job for life these days.
Just be aware of the full deal.
There is nothing quite like the contempt of a traditionalist woman who's man does not make the grade. At least with the feminists there is no fall from grace- the feminist starts with low expectations. No more can be expected from him.
If you think that Patriarchy is for you (and it is more popular with women than men ironically) then you need a financial plan. If you are a woman you will need to relearn the skills of thrift your grandmother knew. You will be giving your children the luxury of a stay at home mother and you may have to say no to the latest games console to finance it. You will need to be head of the household in the most positive sense- someone who makes sure the books balance.
Fortunately the ladies from Return of Queens are willing to do their bit. There is a reason housekeeping is called 'home economics' at school. The Kings run a tight ship in the exterior world and the Queens will do the same at home. It is an equal partnership despite the fact that neither the feminists nor the traditionalists will admit the fact.
Just remember the buck will always stop with you.