I worked twelve hour shifts far from home and would return exhausted. I would flop myself down amongst the clutter and the chaos and not have the mental energy to confront it. The same thing would happen the following day and the day after that. When my days off finally arrived I could hardly bare to remain at home- I would spend time doing my thing in London because I simply could not remain at home and because I wanted to make the best of the limited time I had.
Eventually I became convinced that the chaos of my living quarters was the sign of some deep personality defect rather than an intolerable life.
Fortunately I now know this to be untrue. Since reducing my hours I have begun to chip away at the chaos without even having to make myself do so.
This is all I have to say for the moment- except that we should avoid blaming ourselves for the conditions life presents to us. Many people believe themselves to be ill when they are simply reacting to dreadful circumstances.